Go to the Mattresses!

There are about 4,000 species of cockroaches in the world. 30 of which are found in human habitations. Of that 30, 4 are considered pests. Patty and Ashley don’t know which kind they have, but scientific classification of this insect is hardly relevant when two squealing girls are jumping on the bed and throwing random household objects at the walls in the middle of the night.

It all started about a month ago when Patty spotted such a pest above Ashley’s bedroom door. The two of them proceeded to throw a fit and do, what has now become a ritual dance, in the dining room. Much like a ceremonial bonfire, the two dance and jump around their weapons of choice, a bottle of Raid, a roll of paper towels and a pink converse shoe, while shaking both hands in the air. One will say, “It’s so big,” which will usually lend itself to the other saying “that’s what she said;” a little comedic relief to the very serious situation at hand.

Wikipedia notes that the centipede is the most effective control agent of cockroaches, but Ashley and Patty find centipedes themselves quite objectionable. They waited until another three incidences occurred before calling about pest control. Here is a documentation of one of those incidences.

Shortly after this night, Patty called the front office. She spoke to a very nice lady on the other end of the line who said nonchalantly, “Well, it is roach season,” with a little giggle. There’s nothing funny about finding a roach in any condition, in any part of your home. A few days later, a handsome young man came a knockin’. You could call him their knight in shining uniform. He came prepared to slay the enemy. He sprayed around the whole apartment while exchanging witty banter with Ashley, reminding her that they made a stop in the complex weekly. So, maybe it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if we had to invite him back. *Sigh* Getting sidetracked, sorry.

The two thought all would be well. They finally felt safe in their little home, until last night. Patty heard Ashley calling her into the bedroom. She knew from the pit of her stomach that the tone is Ashley’s voice was one of despair.

“It’s somewhere on my bed,” Ashley said.

Patty tip toed further into the room, grabbed the corner of the comforter and flung it from the mattress to reveal a cockroach.

“That’s not the one I found,” Ashley pointed and yelled, “That’s not the one I found.”

Now, not only on the bed, but in the bed, the situation reaches a whole new level of, like, totally gross. After the discovered met his demise via pink converse shoe, we went on ransacking the sheets in search of the escapee. Finally it was found clinging to the side of the box spring. After a moment of collection, Ashley went in for the kill. She struck once, then twice, then thrice with the ultimate decapitation. Patty fetched the paper towels as Ashley proclaimed, “There is no amount of paper towels between my hand and the bug that makes me feel okay about picking it up.” It’s like the story of Princess and the Pea. Only a real princess has such delicate skin that she can feel a pea through twenty mattresses and twenty featherbeds.

She noticed it hadn’t been completely destroyed.

“It’s backpedaling,” she yelled! Patty grabbed the Raid and finished the job once and for all. Both predators were promptly flushed down the toilet. Hopefully this will be some kind of mafia warning to their hairy-legged friends in the pipes.

This has been Patty and Ashley with a whole new respect for “going to the mattresses.” Thanks for nothing, Rilo.

da 'Burgh

Last week I traveled Northeast to the beautiful land of trees, steel, and ketchup called Pittsburgh.

I got on the plane and was prepared to do the whole shuffle-to-the-back-next-to-the-toilet thing but was happy to see my ticket said I was in row 6. It turns out that row 6 is the last row of first class. I didn’t buy first class tickets, and I was unaware of any upgrades that might have been made so I was a bit confused. But who am I to question the airline? I took my seat and was immediately handed a glass of wine before all the passengers were even on the plane. I could feel their jealous stares. It was great. I half expected someone to tell me that I was in the wrong seat but no one said a word. I guess I got away with that one. During the rest of the flight I lounged in my seat next to no one and was given, a bowl of warm nuts, a hot towel, a salad, and salmon dinner. As I enjoyed another glass of wine I reclined and watched distant lightening storms with the big dipper, huge, out side my window. If this ever happens to you, I recommend the Sigur Rós album Með Suð Í Eyrum Við Spilum Endalaust as the perfect soundtrack.

The next day, my dad, his wife Chris, and I drove to the cabin they share with his brother Mark and his wife Lynn. It still always surprises my dad when his daughters from the flat lands of Texas get car sick while driving on hilly and winding roads in the mountains. I managed to keep my breakfast down while catching him up on my life lately.

My dad and uncle are still fixing up the cabin so while they were busy with that I spent most of my time with my cousin Vinny. I know. What can I say. We are Italian. Vinny served as my own personal tour guide of the property by taking me on a quad drive pointing out creeks, beaver dams, fire pits, tree stands, deer feeders, and the like. Although, I kind of had to guess what he was saying because he was driving so fast between the trees that I was more focused on just trying to hold on and not getting smacked by a tree branch. He’s 11 and he drives fast.

The next day Vinny and I went on a walk through our property. We came to one of his favorite spots where a huge log crosses over the “crik.” That’s creek to you. He walked across and when he got to the middle I was supposed to take his picture. I got out my Polaroid camera and found the perfect spot to snap the picture. Perfect, except for the fact that it was on top of a grounded bee’s nest. The next thing I know I’m covered in bees! I quickly realized that you couldn’t just brush them away like some other bugs. The only way to escape bees is to run away like a little girl and scream. I ran like a little girl and screamed. I dropped the camera. It’s broken. Here is the photo of me getting stung by bees.

After making it back to the cabin I took some Benadryl, got back in the truck to go home, and promptly fell asleep for the next two hours.

Sunday nights are for dinner at Grandma Rose’s house. It was really great to see her along with my dad’s sister Lori and her husband Bill. Before we ate dinner we ate some other food that could have been dinner. And then we ate Lasagna. And then dessert.

My dad took off of work on Monday and Tuesday to spend some time with me. Monday we went grocery shopping together, which was interesting because I don’t have any recollection of going shopping with him ever. Then we saw Star Trek at a 99 cent movie theatre. We got there much too early so we ate most of our popcorn before the movie even started and talked about other movies for about an hour. I thought the movie was great, but it was especially great because I used to watch the TV show with my dad so it seemed fitting. We went straight from the movie to my dad’s shooting club. I love going there. It’s 20 minutes of shooting clay targets and then 3 hours of drinking. So I watched my dad shoot and then bellied up to the bar with a bunch of Yinzers over 40 and drank my weight in Yuengling. They all talk really loud, call eachother jaggoffs, make lewd jokes, and dote over me. And if they weren’t decked out in Steeler Nation black and gold, they were wearing shirts that say something like “You can’t drink all day if you don’t start in the morning.” or “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere…”

Tuesday my dad and I went to the Carnegie Museum of Art and Natural History. He is the only other person I know that likes to stay at a museum as long as I do. If it were up to us we could get lost in there for an entire day. Actually, I think I could probably get lost in a single Monet for an entire day. The museum had a fantastic collection of just about everything. I’ll spare you the details because it could easily be turned into a 10 page essay about why I’m a nerd. We ended up staying for four hours only because we had to go eat dinner.

Most of Wednesday through Friday consisted of me doing some work, reading, and taking advantage of my dad’s On Demand movie channels.

Wednesday night my dad and I drank together and made dinner. A recipe that he has now named Ashley’s Chicken.

Thursday my Grandma came to pick me up for lunch. We had a really good time. We ate a lot. She is full of infinite wisdom. I also made dinner using the tomatoes and basil I had picked from our backyard garden.

Friday night we all went back up to the cabin. I decided not to walk around the woods this time, which I think made Vinny a little angry, but I didn’t feel like getting attacked again. I thought that maybe this time it wouldn’t be bees but bears. A mother and cub black bear have been spotted multiple times walking around our property.

Saturday Mark’s friend Bill took Vinny, my other cousin Shalynn, and me out on the lake in his boat. Bill and I drank beer, Shaylynn relaxed, and Vinny was dragged behind the boat on a tube.

Sunday, I was back in Austin by 11:00 am after two more first class flights. I left out a lot of details but they mostly consist of me drinking and eating a lot with my family. Because that’s what they do, and I love it. The only thing I didn’t get a chance to do was go dahntahn to da strip and get a Permanee's sammich while I was der hangin out an ‘nat.

This has been Ashley, and I love da ‘Burgh.

TweedleG

"How do ya do and shake hands

and state your name and business.

That's manners!"

Hi. How are you? My name is Ashley Giovannitti and I'm a Graphic Designer. I've been in Austin for three months now and I finally feel settled in. That means it's time that I fully embrace the freelance world. I've just launched my portfolio website www.TweedleGDesign.com. Here you can find examples of my work, my resume, and lots of ways to get in contact with me. You can also find me on several social networking sites.

Follow me on Twitter.

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If you're a constant reader of the blog (hi, mom) I bet I already know if you do or don't need some design work. If you're a new reader (hello!) it's safe to say I don't know what you need. Either way I would love to network with you, and I would so appreciate your support. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you or some one you know. Logos, brochures, flyers, posters, wedding invitations, birth announcements, stickers, wine labels, you name it. Let's talk.

This has been TweedleG, and it's all happening.

Holding Down the Fort

Last week or so, Ashley, Justin Kirchhoff and I went to see Jason Poe sing at Flipnotics. He's the lead singer for Jets Under Fire, a really great local band in Austin. I think his solo material is very early Chris Martin. Check it out yourself! Click the image below to get his latest EP for free.

As some of you might already know. Ashley is out of town this week. She’s visiting family in Pittsburgh. That's approximately 1,418 miles away from home, but Rilo and I are holding down the fort. I don’t let her sleep with me because I’m afraid she’ll knock over the glass of water on my bedside table. So at about 9:10 a.m. every morning she starts crying outside my door, which is good because I usually shut off my alarm when it goes off at 9:00 a.m.

Before Ashley left, we started a Rodney Yee Morning Yoga challenge. That’s right we’re putting an end to the ice cream and booze binge, (okay maybe just the ice cream), and getting these lazy butts into shape. I’ve forced myself to continue the challenge even while she’s away, excluding today on account of girlie cramps.

The second day flying solo, I met up with Chance and Andrew for breakfast at Magnolia’s. Andrew is constantly on a strict diet, but Saturdays are his cheat days. According to Andrew, any edibles consumed on a Saturday is void of calories, grams of fat and health risks. After breakfast, we went “house shopping.” None of us are looking for a house, but we saw some neat modern houses on the East side, like this one. It’s being designed by Nicole Blair of Studio 512 for his mother. This house will probably be featured in Dwell Magazine next month.

I don’t know what’s come over me, but I’ve been feeling tempted to adopt a cat lately. From the local animal shelters advertising $25 cat specials, to free kittens being given away on Facebook. They’re everywhere. But if I were to bring home a kitty, Rilo would probably claw its eyes out. So I’ll do these kittens the favor of offering no home, which is better than offering the home from hell with Rilo the ultimate cat of terror and destruction waiting to devour her unsuspecting baby prey. Plus…Ash would kill me.

I’ve started babysitting a little bit just to get out of the apartment. This is Emerson. He’s just a big ball of baby fat cuteness, teething like no tomorrow.

Ash should be blogging about her new web site soon enough. She’s a real bona fide designer now. She’s already got over 100 fans on the TweedleG Facebook Page. I am the proud Mom that gets the photo albums out whenever we have company. This has been Patty and Rilo, and we miss Ashley.

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The Williamson County Regional Animal Shelter has many more animals in need of homes than they have willing adopters. If you're in the market for a furry friend, please check them out.