da 'Burgh

Last week I traveled Northeast to the beautiful land of trees, steel, and ketchup called Pittsburgh.

I got on the plane and was prepared to do the whole shuffle-to-the-back-next-to-the-toilet thing but was happy to see my ticket said I was in row 6. It turns out that row 6 is the last row of first class. I didn’t buy first class tickets, and I was unaware of any upgrades that might have been made so I was a bit confused. But who am I to question the airline? I took my seat and was immediately handed a glass of wine before all the passengers were even on the plane. I could feel their jealous stares. It was great. I half expected someone to tell me that I was in the wrong seat but no one said a word. I guess I got away with that one. During the rest of the flight I lounged in my seat next to no one and was given, a bowl of warm nuts, a hot towel, a salad, and salmon dinner. As I enjoyed another glass of wine I reclined and watched distant lightening storms with the big dipper, huge, out side my window. If this ever happens to you, I recommend the Sigur Rós album Með Suð Í Eyrum Við Spilum Endalaust as the perfect soundtrack.

The next day, my dad, his wife Chris, and I drove to the cabin they share with his brother Mark and his wife Lynn. It still always surprises my dad when his daughters from the flat lands of Texas get car sick while driving on hilly and winding roads in the mountains. I managed to keep my breakfast down while catching him up on my life lately.

My dad and uncle are still fixing up the cabin so while they were busy with that I spent most of my time with my cousin Vinny. I know. What can I say. We are Italian. Vinny served as my own personal tour guide of the property by taking me on a quad drive pointing out creeks, beaver dams, fire pits, tree stands, deer feeders, and the like. Although, I kind of had to guess what he was saying because he was driving so fast between the trees that I was more focused on just trying to hold on and not getting smacked by a tree branch. He’s 11 and he drives fast.

The next day Vinny and I went on a walk through our property. We came to one of his favorite spots where a huge log crosses over the “crik.” That’s creek to you. He walked across and when he got to the middle I was supposed to take his picture. I got out my Polaroid camera and found the perfect spot to snap the picture. Perfect, except for the fact that it was on top of a grounded bee’s nest. The next thing I know I’m covered in bees! I quickly realized that you couldn’t just brush them away like some other bugs. The only way to escape bees is to run away like a little girl and scream. I ran like a little girl and screamed. I dropped the camera. It’s broken. Here is the photo of me getting stung by bees.

After making it back to the cabin I took some Benadryl, got back in the truck to go home, and promptly fell asleep for the next two hours.

Sunday nights are for dinner at Grandma Rose’s house. It was really great to see her along with my dad’s sister Lori and her husband Bill. Before we ate dinner we ate some other food that could have been dinner. And then we ate Lasagna. And then dessert.

My dad took off of work on Monday and Tuesday to spend some time with me. Monday we went grocery shopping together, which was interesting because I don’t have any recollection of going shopping with him ever. Then we saw Star Trek at a 99 cent movie theatre. We got there much too early so we ate most of our popcorn before the movie even started and talked about other movies for about an hour. I thought the movie was great, but it was especially great because I used to watch the TV show with my dad so it seemed fitting. We went straight from the movie to my dad’s shooting club. I love going there. It’s 20 minutes of shooting clay targets and then 3 hours of drinking. So I watched my dad shoot and then bellied up to the bar with a bunch of Yinzers over 40 and drank my weight in Yuengling. They all talk really loud, call eachother jaggoffs, make lewd jokes, and dote over me. And if they weren’t decked out in Steeler Nation black and gold, they were wearing shirts that say something like “You can’t drink all day if you don’t start in the morning.” or “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere…”

Tuesday my dad and I went to the Carnegie Museum of Art and Natural History. He is the only other person I know that likes to stay at a museum as long as I do. If it were up to us we could get lost in there for an entire day. Actually, I think I could probably get lost in a single Monet for an entire day. The museum had a fantastic collection of just about everything. I’ll spare you the details because it could easily be turned into a 10 page essay about why I’m a nerd. We ended up staying for four hours only because we had to go eat dinner.

Most of Wednesday through Friday consisted of me doing some work, reading, and taking advantage of my dad’s On Demand movie channels.

Wednesday night my dad and I drank together and made dinner. A recipe that he has now named Ashley’s Chicken.

Thursday my Grandma came to pick me up for lunch. We had a really good time. We ate a lot. She is full of infinite wisdom. I also made dinner using the tomatoes and basil I had picked from our backyard garden.

Friday night we all went back up to the cabin. I decided not to walk around the woods this time, which I think made Vinny a little angry, but I didn’t feel like getting attacked again. I thought that maybe this time it wouldn’t be bees but bears. A mother and cub black bear have been spotted multiple times walking around our property.

Saturday Mark’s friend Bill took Vinny, my other cousin Shalynn, and me out on the lake in his boat. Bill and I drank beer, Shaylynn relaxed, and Vinny was dragged behind the boat on a tube.

Sunday, I was back in Austin by 11:00 am after two more first class flights. I left out a lot of details but they mostly consist of me drinking and eating a lot with my family. Because that’s what they do, and I love it. The only thing I didn’t get a chance to do was go dahntahn to da strip and get a Permanee's sammich while I was der hangin out an ‘nat.

This has been Ashley, and I love da ‘Burgh.